Hollywood Happenings

Haley Joel Osment crashed his 1995 Staurn the other night bringing up 2 very important issues:

1. That kid can drive?
2. What the fuck happened to his money?



That creepy kid made millions after his Oscar-nominated role in the Sixth Sense and now he is cruising around in a Saturn? I can only assume his parents pulled a Gary Coleman on him or he squandered it all on plastic surgery.




Being the only human being other than Renee Zellweger capable of being blindfolded by a piece of dental floss has to be tramatic for a kid.

Posted by Brent Brandow at 6:04 AM | Permalink | Comments

A recent image of a woman supposedly to be Lindsay Lohan was taken at the beach. I agree the one on the left is Ms Lohan, but the one on the right in my opinion is not. I believe it to be the long lost Axl Rose and he is searching for Slash so he can apologize to him and get the old band back together.

Posted by Scott at 6:38 AM | Permalink | Comments

No doubt annoyed with her quest to save rainforests, alien-like-facial features and endless stream of shitty movies, Justin Timberlake has kicked Cameron Diaz to the curb.



Maybe the reports of Britney's doomed marriage got Justin's attention.

Is it too much to ask for Justin Timberlake and K-Fed to get in a dance fight for the hand of Britney Spears? Is it also asking too much that a trap door opens up and all of them fall into a pool of battery acid?

Posted by Brent Brandow at 10:52 AM | Permalink | Comments

Apparently, Jay Z has decided to start a boycott against Cristal. The beloved champaigne of the rappers only because it costs alot and they can afford it. The reason for this boycott comes after Frederic Rouzaud, the managing director of the Cristal Champaigne made a comment stating that the company observes its association with the rap world with "curiosity and serenity.

Jay Z says

"It has come to my attention that the managing director of Cristal, Frederic Rouzaud views the 'hip-hop' culture as "unwelcome attention." I view his comments as racist and will no longer support any of his products through any of my various brands including The 40/40 Club nor in my personal life,"

Newsflash Jay Z, racism is descrimination against one or more races of humans. Rap is not a human it is a genre of music. Good job, start a boycott against a champaigne company because they arent sure they want to be associated with rappers who talk about gangs, killing, and the "hard knock life" in general.

Jay-Z and the 40/40 Club will now be serving only Krug and Dom Perignon to their customers seeking high end champagne products, as well as a mixture of koolaid and colt 45 they like to call Krunk Juice.

Posted by Scott at 1:55 PM | Permalink | Comments

If Britney really wants to be left alone, why do i keep seeing her fat head all over the television?

Tonight Matt Laurer's hard-hitting interview will finally bring all of Britney's deapest fears and desires to light. To save all of you time, i will post her fears and desires BEFORE the interview. This is the kind of braeking news and inside Hollywood dirt that you can only get here on Hollywood Happenings

Fears

The dark
Candyman
Getting slimed(Britney is a huge YCDTOT fan)
Wolfen

Desires

Me


In regards to the sneak peek, you're welcome.

Posted by Brent Brandow at 11:23 AM | Permalink | Comments

Despite being universally panned by critics for her lackluster performance in Three Days of Rain, Hollywood’s highest paid actress took a break from marrying/dating weirdos, and presented some award at The Tonys.

Rivaling only Sarah Jessica Parker in worn-out, horse-faced tomfoolery, the toothy Academy Award winning actress acknowledged her suckitude commenting that the Broadway stars were "insanely talented."

It seems that only stage critics have taken notice that Julia plays the exact same role in every movie she has ever been in.

Unfortunately, no one watches the Tonys or cares what Broadway critics have to say. Plus, Oprah has her back. That helps.

Posted by Brent Brandow at 7:05 AM | Permalink | Comments

All you middle-aged homemaker can breathe a sigh of relief. Apparently, the rumors that spastic, silver-haired crooner Taylor Hicks has a little sugar in his gas tank are false.

While most media outlets are crediting The Enquirer with the false outing, i think everyone is missing the obvious. Who would stand to gain the most from starting gay American Idol rumors? Look no further than Rick Astley-on-a-hormone-suppliment himself, Clay Aiken.



While outing Clay is about world-shattering as outing Richard Simmons, the squirrely little songster still refutes rumors that he is gay. That's why diverting attention to perpetual epileptic Hicks works in his best intrest.

Nice try Clay.

Posted by Brent Brandow at 6:39 AM | Permalink | Comments

Word on the street is that everyone's favorite unfit mother, Britney Spears, is moving forward with divorce proceedings against rapper/freeloader Kevin Federline. I can't think of two people whose life more closely resembles an episode of Cops.

Not a bad deal for K-Fed. If Britney is only half as retarded as i think she is, i'm sure she didn't get Deadbeaterline to sign a prenup.

So K-Fed; knocks boots with Britney, records a "rap" albumn on her dime, spends her cash on gaudy jewelry and do-rags and skates away with a hefty divorce payout. Maybe he isn't as jaw-droppingly dumb as we all thought. Assuming Britney doesn't kill them first, he'll probably get visitation rights to Sean Preston and a bastard to be named later.

Good ol' Britney...you can take the girl out of the trailer park, but you can't take the trailer park out of the girl.

Posted by Brent Brandow at 6:48 AM | Permalink | Comments